inIssue Nº 01 · The Roast Edition Vol. 2026

A pitch deck about the platform

LinkedIn.
LinkedOut.

9 slides roasting the platform that turned "I bought a sandwich" into a thought-leadership moment — and made 4,217 of us clap for it.

↳ Cover story

B

BurndecksJust now · 🌎

I'm beyond humbled to share that we made an entire roast deck about LinkedIn… and posted it on LinkedIn. None of this would be possible without the algorithm. 🙏

👍 ∞0 self-awareness1 awkward repost from your manager

Posted ironically

02 · The Humble BragLinkedOut · The Cringe Issue

Exhibit A

"I'm humbled to announce…"

No you're not. You drafted that post for six days. You workshopped it with your spouse. You added the rocket emoji at 9:47am for max algorithm.

JM

Jordan M.·Chief Vibes Officer·3h

Beyond humbled to share that I bought a sandwich today. None of this would be possible without my parents, my therapist, and the barista who believed in me. Onward and upward. 🙏

👍 4,217892 comments

DK

Devon K.·Recovering Consultant·1d

Speechless and humbled — I just want to share that I drank water this morning. Hydration is leadership. Tagging the 7 mentors who taught me to swallow: @everyone I've ever met.

👍 11,8022.1K comments

RP

Riley P.·Founder · Builder · Dad·2d

Truly humbled to announce I am now humbled. The journey to humility has been humbling. Grateful. Blessed. Onward. 🚀🚀🚀

👍 8,4491.4K comments

MS

Morgan S.·Storyteller · Speaker · Coach·3d

Humbled and honored to be named one of my own 30 Under 30. I nominated myself. The committee (also me) was unanimous.

👍 6,033847 comments

in03 · Broetry LinkedOut · The Cringe Issue

Exhibit B

One line.
Then another.

A literary movement invented by men who learned about poetry from a sales conference. Each line a paragraph. Each paragraph a TED talk.

Verified Broetry

CB

Cameron B.Founder · Builder · Dad · 4h

I got fired on a Tuesday.

It was raining.

I bought a coffee.

Then it hit me.

The barista smiled.

She didn't know my name.

But she knew my order.

That's leadership.

Agree?

👍 28,4023.1K comments847 reposts

04 · The Engagement PodLinkedIn Burned

Exhibit C

The same 200 people. Every time.

A coordinated cartel of "Love this! 🙌" deployed within four minutes of publication. None of them read past the first line. They're already drafting their own post.

3:47

Average time from post to first
"Great share!" comment

0%

Of those commenters who
read past line one

247 commentsMost relevant · obviously

SK

Sarah K.This! 🙌 So much value here.

+0:42

DR

Devon R.Love this perspective, friend!

+1:18

MP

Marcus P.Gold. Pure gold. 💯

+2:03

AT

Aisha T.Saving this to read later. 📌

+2:51

RB

Ryan B.Couldn't agree more 🚀🚀🚀

+3:09

PV

Priya V.So inspiring — thanks for sharing!

+3:34

TC

Taylor C.This is why I follow you. 👏

+3:58

05 · The Fake Vulnerability PostLinkedIn Burned

Exhibit D

A flex
in failure's clothing.

The genre where you start at rock bottom and end as CEO in under 200 words. The struggle is real. The struggle is also extremely on-brand.

Translation →"I am very successful and would like you to know about it gently."

CB

Cameron B.Founder & CEO · Storyteller · Dad5h · 🌎

I was rejected from 847 jobs. Today, I'm a CEO. Here's what I learned… (a thread 🧵)

👏 12,8472,103 comments518 reposts

Top comment: "So inspiring 🙌 thank you for sharing this Cameron"

06 · The Cold DMLinkedOut · The Cringe Issue

Exhibit E

"Hey
quick 15 min?"

It's never 15 minutes. It's never quick. And they don't want to "exchange ideas" — they want to sell you a Notion template.

The arc: compliment your content → mention a "quick chat" → reveal they sell B2B lead-gen software. Total time from hello to pitch: 47 seconds.

TR

Taylor R.Growth Architect · Ex-Big-4 · 1st

3 unread

Mon · 9:14 AM

Hey [FIRST_NAME]! 👋 Loved your post about "the future of work" — really resonated. Would love to connect with another thought leader in the space!

Read

Mon · 9:14 AM (28 sec later)

Quick question — are you currently exploring solutions for scalable demand-gen pipelines?

Read

Mon · 9:15 AM

No worries if not the right time! I'd just love to grab a quick 15 minutes to learn about your goals for Q4. I have some Tuesdays at 6:30am ET that work — does that align with your calendar? — sent to 4,847 other people this morning

You did not read

07 · Corporate Buzzword GeneratorLinkedIn Burned

Exhibit E

"We're leveraging synergies to disrupt the paradigm of cross‑functional alignment."

10,247 impressions 0 actual meaning 1 board member impressed

leverage synergy circle back disrupt paradigm north star low-hanging fruit cross-functional double-click align move the needle stakeholder unpack drink from the firehose scale ecosystem put a pin in it value-add end-to-end 10x boil the ocean strategic human capital touchbase bandwidth deep-dive optimize

08 · The Headshot Industrial ComplexLinkedIn Burned

Exhibit F

The blazer.
The ring. The banner.

AI

The $39 AI Headshot

Six fingers, an extra collar, a blazer that changes color halfway down. Looks "professional" if you don't look twice.

●

The Green Ring Discourse

One camp says "shameful." One camp says "brave." Both camps are posting about it instead of helping.

B

The "Helping X Do Y" Banner

"Helping ambitious leaders unlock 10x growth through human-centered AI." Translation: I am available for coffee chats.

AAI · Gen

Alex Q. Vance

Visionary Thought-Partner · Ex-Big-4 · Speaker · Coach · Investor · Dad · Runner · 1% better every day

500+ connections📍 Greater Bay Area💼 Open to work📚 Author · "Pivot."

09 · The PollLinkedIn Burned

Exhibit G

97% pick D.
Every time.

Every LinkedIn poll has the exact same energy: four options, three of them throwaway, and one that lets the algorithm hug you back.

The fourth option is always "All of the above" — and that's the only one anyone clicks.

JV

Jordan Vance · CoachSparking conversations · 2d · 🌎

Real talk 👇 What matters MOST for career success in 2026?

A · Hard work1%

B · Networking1%

C · Luck1%

D · All of the above97%

14,209 votes2 days left👍 8.4K reactions

BBurndecks · Closer 10 / 10

The meta-joke

This deck took
6 weeks. 47 seconds.

Faster than your last "quick 15-minute sync" that ran 47 minutes, ended with "let's circle back," and produced a follow-up calendar invite for tomorrow at 6:30am.

Try Burndecks → burndecks.com

B

BurndecksFounder · Storyteller · 10x AI Disruptor · Dad · 1stJust now · 🌎

Beyond humbled to share that we built an entire 10-slide pitch deck roasting LinkedIn… in less time than it took you to read this sentence twice.

None of this would be possible without the algorithm, my parents, and the 4,847 strangers who slid into my DMs this week.

Here's what I learned 🧵👇

👍 ∞0 comments (you haven't read it yet)1 awkward repost from your CEO

10

Slides in this deck

<60s

From prompt to presentation

0

Engagement pods harmed

∞

"I feel personally attacked" reactions

LinkedIn.LinkedOut.

LinkedIn

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